My last waiter WAS very good.

I should have made reservations at a busier restaurant. I am starving tonight.

Waiter this wine won't be right for what I have in mind for dinner. I find that a rose' goes better with humans.

I'm really glad it's not that time of the month!

And when did you say the secret service is coming?

It's not you, it's me. But I still want to be friends.

The chef just changed the soup of the day to Shark Fin, and he's staring at me now. AWKward.

You had me at, "This was no boating accident!"

Last time I enter a raffle at Shedd Aquarium!

I think we're going to need a bigger table!

What's your sign? Mine is "No Swimming!"

Well I did ask the dating service for someone with a hunger for life, but this isn't what I had in mind
.

Did you know you have yourself down as a mammal on your profile?

So my cousin Larry moves to out Amity Island, which is out east...have you ever been? It's BEAUTIFUL in the summer. Anyway, all is fine until this guy named Brody shows up with his 2 friends...then all hell breaks loose...

This is the first time I've picked up anything at SeaWorld besides a t-shirt.

I have high cholesterol and my doctor wants me to eat less red haired people. I'll start tomorrow!

Dating websites have become so expensive. That's why I figured I would give this free trial for EatYourHeartOut.com a try.

No no no I didn't invite you out for dinner I invited you to be dinner!

I'm sure glad Snapfish expanded its services to include dating, too!

Are you sure my seeing eye dog is okay? It's not like him to be gone from me for this long. (Shark) I'm sure he's fine. ****AWKWARD SILENCE****

I don't care what they recommended, red wine does go with krill.

I knew we'd have a second date when you serenaded me with "Maneater" by Hall and Oates.

I think I'll get the 'surfer and turf' special...

"Um, are you that landshark everyone has been looking for?"
"No, I'm only a dolphin Ma'am."

"Picking up the wine glass isn't the problem, it's when I try to go pee."

"Um, I think you have some food from dinner caught in your teeth?"
'No, that's just Bob from 234."

Yeah, you may have seen me in Finding Nemo. "I am a nice shark, not a mindless eating machine. If I am to change this image, I must first change myself. Humans are friends, not food." Today is step 8: go out on a date.

Oh you said, "you complete me."

"um, yes I'll take the Mahi..." - "really!?!?!?... Well, then I'll have the human" - "jerk"

You look good enough to eat!!

Who would have thought, one day I'm making you a latte at Starbux, and next I'm having you for dinner...I mean, WITH you"

Does the carpet match the drapes?

I ate his liver with a nice chianti and some fava beans

"Do I have something in my teeth?"

Of course, I'm a vegan too! Why else would I be a member of a vegetarian dating club?

Lady, you and two glasses of wine for dinner, get real, Waiter bring me a large order of cod and raw shrimp.

I know this wasn't your fantasy, honey, but they were all out of the yoda costume.

"So... you said you have some funds to invest?"

My father is a loan shark and my mother is nurse shark, and neither one of them was happy with my decision to become a card shark.

Drink up. I have to be back in court.

"...Seriously, you forgot your wallet?"
"Well I have no pockets Lois!"

Ted will be absent tonight. I just didn't want you to think he stood you up.

Anything on the menu you want. I'd just avoid the sushi!

"I KNOW… you assumed I would look different. Sorry my mom named me Flipper.

Landshark!!!!!

Ok ok ok, I won't say "dolphin", I'm sorry "the D word" again! Bite my head off why don't you....on second thought.......Ugh this date sucks!

"Do I have tuna breath?"

Blind date mixup.......Carla thought she was meeting the lead singer from Great White and Terry thought he was meeting a grouper.....

you're not from Columbia... are you?

"You know what they say about a shark with large fins don't you?"

"Can you believe the server gave me a hard time about their dress code?"

My business card says I'm a lawyer. I guess the shark part is implied.

I thought you were suppose to serve white wine with fish??

I see they do serve a fine SWF at this restaurant.

I'm sorry I ate your first husband but he made the mistake of thinking he was swimming with the dolphins. (reference cartoon caption won be me back in March)

"No offense, but this will be the last time I ask Gordon the fisherman if he can fix me up with a great catch!

"Wanna Mako-out?"

Don't get me wrong I'm glad we finally found a restaurant, but I'm kind of reluctant to eat somewhere that doesn't enforce its No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service policy.

We should be getting home, the kids have probably disemboweled the babysitter by now.

"Yeah, people always tell me I look like Roy Scheider, though I tend to see Brad Pitt in the Mirror"

knock knock
(Shark) who's there
a shark
(Shark) a shark who?
a shark who just ate your family and now im going to eat you
(Shark) That's offensive, are you a Sharkist?

Yeah yeah yeah so interesting..... is our three minutes up yet? I've had my eye on that seal over there since the speed dating started!

"Thanks for making me laugh. My career has been in the toilet ever since Jaws 3D. Can I eat you now?"

"So tell me about yourself."
"Well, I'm the lead singer of a alternative rock band, maybe you heard of us, Pearl Jam?"
"Wow, i figured you guys all sounded the same but i didnt think you all looked the same too! "

My friends told me my date would be a "red hairing"

So you thought I Said "Card Shark"?

Don't they card sharks to get in this place? I bet you slipped the doorman a fin.

I'm tired of driving to Orland to eat here. They should open one of these restaurants at 111th & Cicero or 95th & Cicero, right next to the Trader Joe's.

Don't roll your eyes at me!!!!!