Crime & Safety

Southland's Weirdest Crime Stories of the Summer

Sometimes you just have to shake your head. Crime doesn't pay but it can be funny, weird or just plain freaky. Patch is turning back the clock and revisiting a few strange shenanigans.

By Nick Swedberg

Can you believe it's September already?

Labor Day is the unofficial signal to end of summer. We had some good times, though. And we certainly had some laughs. 

Let's take a trip into the recent past and look at some of the kooky moments in crime from this past summer:

Is That Heroin in Your Shorts ... ?


A Shorewood man apparently thought in early August that hiding his illicit goods in a sensitive area would fool Evergreen Park police. How surprised he must have been when, after a traffic stop, the eight bags of heroin he was holding started dropping from his shorts. 

Speed Dating Takes on a New Meaning


The summer is a time for lovers. One couple who met online and set up a date in Oak Lawn for late July didn't have a happy ending. These car-crossed lovers probably won't go the distance, since one accused the other of vehicle theft.

Burger King Blow-up Sparked by Rude Whopper Order


A fast-food employee in Tinley Park who wanted it his way got mouthful from a coworker. The tiff supposedly started when a female employee at Burger King didn't like how a man who also works at the restaurant ordered a Whopper. Regardless of how it went down, this was one order that did not come with a smile.

Polite Nude Stranger Drops By for a Visit


There are unwelcome guests and then there are unwelcome guests. If you're fortunate to get a polite one, like a Tinley Park woman did in early June, then it might not be such an unpleasant time. But (or should I say "butt?") saying "I'm sorry" doesn't make up for being nude.

Maid Hospitalized After Eating Laced Brownie


June was quite the month for odd happenings. A maid cleaning up after a party in an Orland Park home was surprised to find the dessert she sampled had a bit of a kick. A couple of young men were ticketed after cops discovered they had baked pot brownies and left them out overnight. 

Headrest Prevents Eternal Rest in Attempted Car Jacking


A scary situation turned into a close call for a Chicago Heights man who narrowly avoided a bullet to the brain. Hoodlums had targeted him for a carjacking. When the driver refused to give up the car and sped away, one of the bad guys started shooting at the car. It wasn't until later that the man discovered a head rest caught one of the bullets.


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